Saturday, 14 October 2017

the three week mark + what's to come?

Firstly, I cannot pretend like university (or the tiny fraction of it I have completed so far) has been easy. Tears have fallen and phone calls consisting of pleas to come home have been made.... more than once. The emotional, and often illogical, side to my brain does not always see life in balance: I am either really happy or really sad. Sometimes when I phone home all the laughter I've had that day is eradicated by a sad thing that decides to leave a stain. And it is the hungry kind of sadness that eats and eats until all you can possibly feel is that one emotion. That is the time I'm saying, "Why am I here?" "Do I even want a degree?" "I'm so lonely." 

I can type these words with confidence: I am enjoying university. Sitting on my bed at home, reflecting on the last 21 days, I can smile. Leaving home is terrifying, and I did it. Walking in to a lecture hall thinking 'I must make friends' is terrifying, and I did it. I'm meeting new people and asking questions in seminars and reading books in 72 hours. I'm adapting and learning and going to church for the first time in years. I'm walking round lakes and dancing in silent discos and getting drunk off cider (the world's biggest lightweight). And I can feel lonely. Stress, pressure, homesickness - days when I have visits from all three and days when I have visits from none. Days when I feel a little like screaming it all away. 


I'm excited by the what and the when and the how and the why of the "next." It feels right, even on the days it goes wrong. 

There is a plan,

Friday, 8 September 2017

la magie + summer 2017 // part II

On the 4/09/17 I took the train to Paris with one of my favourite people. Booked by accident, this trip was one that never really felt real - my 9 year old self still holding on to the magic of Disneyland 10 years ago, believing it would be her last. Although we were only across the channel for two nights, Paris was truly embraced (and kissed goodbye with a promise to be back soon).

a list of memories: 

- annoying everyone on euro-star for laughing too loudly
- eating a VERY Parisian pan aux raisin in a VERY Parisian patisserie
- the tiny little metro tickets + trying to squeeze through the gates with my stuffed bag
- victoriously navigating the metro by ourselves
- seeing the Eiffel tower peek from behind the buildings + finding it hard to believe I was actually in Pairs
- searching for hours for a toilet that didn't make us want to throw up
- very sore feet from above
- **double decker trains**
- arriving at our hotel after walking several marathons
- dancing in our catwalk corridor
- dining in King Ludwig's Castle
- downing sipping cocktails at The Sports Bar
- screaming the English over the French version of  'Let it go'
- screaming HSM songs in the Karoke
- buying my first pair of ears!!!
- cookie dough sandwich waiting for Peter Pan's Flight
- meeting Peter Pan (love of my life) "No."
- the "today is Tuesday" song from the parade
- Kristoff waving at me with his oven mitts
- fudge!!
- keeping my eyes tightly closed the duration of Hyper Space Mountain
- riding Big Thunder Mountain in the sunset
- frantically squeezing between families to find a good spot for Illuminations
- dancing in front of the castle (and twerking in front of security)
- feeling very blessed
- phantom pushchair
- main street at night
- getting stranded in a random French suburb + feeling v v scared not knowing the French police number
- exploding pigeons

(( Adventure diary of this trip is also now live at Jessie Maisie on YouTube ))

// For those interested; the Disney ticket itself was £39 I believe and the hotel (Kyriad Disneyland Hotel) was £120 for a twin bed room for two nights and included breakfast. Eurostar was booked on Eurostar snap a week before we left - £59 the way there and £25 the way back. 

To new adventures, 

- J