Thursday, 15 February 2018

114 days;

One hundred and fourteen days. That's how long I've been at university. A minute ago I was looking out of my bedroom window at the disappearing sunset - bright pink, the end to beautiful and much needed sunshine - and thought; I am really happy. I am really happy here. I am really happy at this moment in my life.

There are reasons I could easily choose not to be. Is my family perfect like it once was? Not at all. Do I feel lonely sometimes? Yes. Would I like to be in love? Of course. Has university happened like I thought it would? No.

But I really am happy here. I was speaking to my lovely friend the other night who said to me in tears; "I'm just miserable all the time." I told her; "No, you're not." This was something my mum would always tell me. "You're miserable some of the time. Not all of it. You were laughing yesterday, you were telling me last week how excited you were."

And my friend said, "You're right."

Six weeks since I've been back to London... The longest I have EVER gone away from home. A few weeks ago I called my mum in a panic. I told her I wanted to leave, I didn't know where to go or what to do or who to be anymore. "I just don't think I'm happy here."

I went for a walk. I came back to my room. I texted my friend. I received a text from my flat mate. I danced. I was, I am, where I need to be.

Since then I have been finding happiness in every moment. Nights where I am not out, drunk, and laughing, I'm in bed reading and writing and drawing and feeling at peace. Nights when I am out I am dancing crazily with my best friend and making new friends with security guards. I'm pushing myself intellectually (and seeing the results) and motivated to create all-the-time. University is tiring, stressful and overwhelming but its an opportunity. Somewhere I can re-invent who I want to be, evolve (always) and be inspired everyday. Trusting in my plan, forever.*

And when this feeling dims, I will remind myself how I will feel like this again.

*Reference to my Jeremiah 29:11.

Picture from tumblr. 

Friday, 5 January 2018

scotland + summer 2017 // part III

A very spontaneous, wild, goat/sheep ridden (found species hard to identify), adventure inhaling, photo taking road trip around the Scottish Highlands. Easily one of the most magical holidays I have ever been on...

The North Coast 500 is a 500 mile drive around the very top of Scotland - mountains, hills and oceans. We flew to Inverness, picked up our hired car and began venturing across the most enigmatic, devastatingly beautiful roads. It truly did heal my soul.

Good things:

- stopping off in Applecross (set in the mountains by the sea) to have pizza at The Junction
- travelling along roads covered in goats - which were actually sheep
- having to step out of the car and take a picture at every single corner
- becoming very accustomed to Scottish radio
- staying at a Youth Hostel in Torridon surrounded by huge mountains
- visiting wild beaches - Gruinard Bay, Lochinver, Achmelvich
- singing very loudly
- gripping the door on the more perilous roads
- having SUCH a good brownie in a little fishing village
- buying a poetry book in Ullapool
- highland cattle
- Scottish air
- mountain roads
- open roads
- drinking water from the top of Victoria Falls
- wishing we lived in the houses by the lakes
- forests by the ocean
- our air bnb in Bonar Bridge 
- roads only open in summer
- and feeling very very small in a such a wild world

iPhone photographs:

camera photographs: