As usual, this will be messy. I guess I'm just trying to make sense of my present mind (because every-bodies mentality is always changing).
Maybe it was the fear of plummeting in to the Atlantic, or the knowledge that landing would be the beginning of a very fast and scary slope of examinations and expectations, but in that sky everything felt strange. I don't think I'll fully be able to articulate it. Maybe I'm not mean to? I remember gripping on to the seat, attempting to find some calm among my paralyzing fear (I do not sit well with turbulence), and turning to look out of the tiny window.
And I saw the moon.
I also remember smiling (because you can't not smile at the moon) and instantly, a serenity came over me and I couldn't stop staring. Then the moon changed in to a blinding sun and, before the steward asked me to put screen down, I witnessed light filtering and consuming the dark. I was literally watching the world wake up. And it was so damn beautiful.
To the sun and the moon, the ocean, the mountains, the galaxies, our trivial problems do not affect them. Not getting invited to something does not alter the earth's rotation. Just as feeling imperfect doesn't silence a raging storm. Why should I feel trapped by ridiculous emotions regarding such ridiculous things like a social calendar when there are miracles occurring in nature every day? This may all sound very poetic and pretentious but, honestly, it is this though that has made me feel so. much. happier.
And I'm at peace. My life is a little unstable at the moment, there are some things that are impacting those around me, threatening to change my normality dramatically. But I'll be okay. We'll all be okay because nevertheless, we persist.
(I am planning on putting together a short blog post on how I escape scary realities very soon. I'm also planning to write a lot more --- regardless of the pressures of school --- because it is so important to create )